Ducks Mahal

I accidentaled (new word I made up) onto a blog. I’m not sure if it is a fortuitous event but will give it a chance. After all, the author is trying to give guidance and to help and I’m trying to divest myself of the mommy blogger habit in hopes there are stimulus dollars out there to rebuild my bloggy reader infrastructure.

Now, I’ll call this blogger Susan, because that’s her name. She writes about girls “hooking up” with boys, which means “any form of getting some type of action, such as, making out, feeling things, or oral pleasure or sex between 2 people.” It’s from a woman’s point of view. She writes about 7 things a woman wants to hear before hooking up. I got a real big chuckle from it. I think mostly it’s serious.

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She writes, “We tend to say that all men want is sex, and they tend to generalize that all women want is for them to act like emasculated slaves to our emotional demands.”
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Firstly, all men do want sex. Are we kidding? Let us not pretend. They want it all the time. It’s the honest to goodness way things are.

Secondly, women do want emasculated slaves. Albeit, strong emasculated slaves with a square jaw and Romanesque features and if he can smell like a horse and not like a hobo, jackpot!

The following is from Susan, and actually in all fairness, I have read more of her blog and like her style, she is pretty funny and smart.
Susan says women want to hear these seven things:

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1. “Tell her something really “specific” you’ve noticed about her body, besides T&A.
2. Tell her you can’t get her out of your mind.
3. What you respect and admire about her intellect.
4. That you love spending time with her.
5. How lucky you are to have her near, which means grace your presence.
6. How sexy she is. (Why did I know that was coming)?
7. What you like about her afterwards. (The sex act).”
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I say, if a guy tells a woman all 7 of those things and really means it, that’s grounds for marriage, no hooking up one night stand here, he’s on board for permanent. He’s also very vulnerable.

Sorry. That is not what women really want to hear. Sorry, but I must give ole Susan here a throw down on 7 things a woman wants to hear.

Women really want to hear:

1. Honey, I unloaded the dishwasher. To which she replies, “Good boy, now fetch the paper.”
2. Honey, I’ll do whatever you want when your mother gets here. Anything, just name it. Not to worry.
3. Honey, it’s Thursday night. You know what that means? To which she replies, “Oh, no, really, you don’t have to give me a foot rub.” Horse petunias I say!  You’re getting a foot rub.
4. Nighty-night honey, sleep good, good dreams, it’s the weekend, we won’t stir until like 11:00 in the morning, make sure you get mass quantities of recreational REMS. I won’t make coffee until you actually get up.
5. Honey, let us sit on the back porch so you can tell me about your day, uninterrupted – for 45 minutes.
6. Yeah sure honey, buy all the crap important things you want. Yes, please show me every single item you bought, tell me all about the bargains you got and make sure not to leave anything out. Oh, your mother will LOVE that one.
7. Honey, you’re my Hollywood.

Have I got this down or what?

On hooking up: My wife and I knew each other a whole whopping three days and got married on the fourth. We went on a honeymoon that lasted two weeks and on the way home got into a fight that lasted two years.   On the way home she told me how the cow was going to eat the cabbage.   On the way home I told her she was two sandwiches short of a picnic. 

We’re good now.

Significant othering is a very curious dance and I’m not America’s Got Talent.

The Hooking Up Smart blog.