Ducks Mahal

For those who follow this blog from time-to-time, and I appreciate you, one can gain a sense that I write a lot about, for and to women, if not about my wife then women friends.  That would be correct.  I have a couple of guy dates now and again, but not very often.  Why would that be?

1. Well, aside from being a terrible flirt (teasing), I enjoy the company of women more than men, in person and in blog.  This blog thingie is actually a reflection of my real life only I don’t write much about work, owing to its highly political nature, complete with politicians and all things political.  Somehow, somewhere, I am going to tick somebody off real bad if I talk politics at any level, local or national.  I don’t even share my real political views with the Little Woman.
2. The other is as irreverent as you might think I am, the chain-smoking, alcoholic, foul-mouthed, 50 gallon sinner that I am, I am also constantly talking to God.  Sometimes God says to me, “Ron, Shut-up.  I heard you.”  I’m a Christian apologetics and darn good at it.  When you write things about religion along the lines of you think it’s all a big brain wash conspiracy to get money from you, I would agree.  Actually you’re correct.  Therefore, trust that I am not religious and be ever so thankful I haven’t sent you through any sermons recently.  But I believe I am going to Heaven.  I believe in angels and in the Salvation Plan.  So, be nice to me on earth, one never knows how your bread will buttered on the other side.  In short, I don’t write about faith (period).
3. Not in the least but the third reason is I’m really a hard-assed, starched shirt in my professional life, so serious it makes me want to drown a puppy.  So instead of drowning puppies because that would surely upset the cherished and beloved regularly scheduled routine maintenance my animal rescuing, puppy loving wife facilitates, I go goofy on this blog and it seems, not many, but a few women get my weird humor.   So I have a tendency to write about sex a lot.  It is more safer than politics, religion, through a computer and all I have to do is delete your husband when/if he gets a little frisky with me. 
4. There is a fourth reason.  Guys are so damned dumb and competitive.  I navigate the guy world with the chamber loaded.  My business face is very intimidating though I’ve tried to tone it down. 

Now, I’ve collected a little butt-rash from some of you making serious accusations that I write like a drunk.  Well, some of the time I am, but you would be too if you drank the wine I drink and that’s not the point and certainly not fair because you have no idea how weird I really am.  Incidentally, Hemmingway was a drunk.  And, would it satisfy you to know I share the same astrological birthday as F. Scott Fitzgerald? 

TODAY, I was shopping with the Little Woman in Best Buy looking at a new printer now that Microsoft Vista was so kind as to jack-up the software standard to 64 bit, and a man in a brown uniform stands next to me looking up at the ceiling cameras in the store.  On his shirt was embroidered, Seeall Security.  Now, mind you, SINCE, I said since, I am blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other, when I read his shirt it truly read to me like Sexual Security.  At which point, I got into a real belly laugh and my crazy brain kicked in on this story about an alarm system a woman sets before going into a bedroom with a man that at the moment the man starts making her do things she really doesn’t want to do, the alarm goes off and a voice from a speaker yells, “Alright, you, yeah you, GET OUT OF BED.  PUT YOUR HANDS AGAINST THE WALL.  THE POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY.”  Now isn’t that silly?   I was completely sober.

When leaving Best Buy, I told the Little Woman, I found the printer I think we need, it’s time to leave anyway and besides I heard a woman cough real hard and then I think I heard her oink.  I think she has swine flu.  My wife said, “Really?”  I said, “No.”

Now I ask you.  Is it good to be me or what?