Ducks Mahal

Guys you know me.  I’m the friendliest, nicest, warmest person on the planet.  I never complain.  I never rant.  (Pardon me while I move away from the computer and dodge a lightning bolt).

Are those people at Microsoft just the rudest people you ever saw?

I realize as I get older I am becoming increasingly more and more sensitive to the flippant behaviors of disrespectful young software programmers.  I am absolutely convinced those people at Microsoft are young obtrusive little code nerds.  I’m sure of it in fact.

Their automatic update this and automatic download that never ask first.  Those programs interrupt me without warning, boot me while I’m busy, sign off and log back on and in the process I lose all open internet windows.  Never once does the program ask what I think first.  I’m the owner of this computer, the guy who buys the Microsoft products, I’m the end user.

The other peeve I have is I’ll be typing in Word and the software installs the word it thinks I want to type without asking me first.  I might want to misspell a word.

And don’t trust its recommended grammar insertions.  I’m of the belief a semi-colon is a harsh piece of punctuation.  This software seems to want to recommend a semi-colon often in my writing.  A comma with a period on top is not anywhere good for my creative Feng Shui here.  I ask, how can I be Run-on Ron if I can’t use a comma and write sentences with more than 15 words?  Huh, how?

And don’t get me started on adjoining two independent clauses with the conjunction “and” and then have the little freak demon inside this computer recommend a semi-colon before the word and (;and,).   Get out of there you little freak demon.  That’s just not right.  Meanwhile, the hypocritical little freak demon doesn’t even give a rip how I punctuate a parenthetical statement.  Feature that.  Is the period placed on the inside or outside of the parentheses mark at the end?   Well, in case I’ve misplaced my Harbrace elementary grammar book, which I haven’t, the period is placed outside the mark.  (Take this freak demon.)  Honestly.

Could E.E. Cummings have written 1(a (a leaf falls on loneliness) in Microsoft Word?  Absolutely not.  The little freak demon just squiggled E.E. Cummings and advised me the first sentence in this paragraph is fragmented and consider revising.  You can’t revise E.E. Cummings!