Strictly Amusing

By Audubon Ron

Me: Do you see that?

Dog: Yeah, I see that.

Me: Do you see that?  (Pointing to floor)

Dog:  Yeah, I see that.  (Looking at floor)

Me:  Why did you do that?

Dog:  I had to go.

Me. You couldn’t hold it in.

Dog:  Hey, I peed on the Lino.  Thank goodness I didn’t pee on the carpet.

Me:  I can’t believe you did that.

Dog:  That ain’t nothing, you should see the vomit the cat threw up under the couch.

Me:  WHAT?  The cat threw up under the couch?

Dog:  No, he hurled beets.  Yeah man.  Projectile.

Me:  Where is that cat?

Dog:  Yeah, I’m coming with you.  I want to watch the cat get it.

Me:  I’m getting the newspaper.

Dog:  Whoa, dude, this is the deal, pet me behind the ear and I’ll fetch the newspaper every time.  Bop me on the nose with the newspaper and I’ll piss on your hubcaps.

Me: No flea bag, I need it to pick up the beets.

Dog:  What about the pee?  “I’m walkin’ here!”