Ducks Mahal

As you know, I have been struggling with an addiction.  I love to cook.  I’m addicted to cooking and fine wines and the freshest of produce and the freshest of meats.  It is rare I ever cook from a can.  Most things in a can are special beans I can’t get or tuna for salads and tuna patties and the occasional can of just good ole pork-n-beans.  I use tomato sauce from a can on occasion, most of my tomato sauces are made with tomatoes only.  Now, my sauces are not exactly the red sauce you see in the can, so when necessary, I augment.  I wouldn’t say my dishes are special, just the freshest I can make them.

The fine wines department gets a little out of hand and can be expensive so I have to devise a blend.  But I tell you, to me wine is magnificent.  I always have box wine on the counter for cooking and for drinking.  I usually have a good bottle around which serves as my first glass.  Then my second glass is a blend of fine wine and box.  Then the third is the box.  The fourth is the box.  The fifth is the box.  The six is no glass at all b/c I’m usually passed out by then.

But I have to count calories nonetheless and try not to eat or drink beyond my burn rate.  Something has to give.  So I put together a daily spreadsheet and plan my meal in advance, b/c I’m like that, all technical and junk.

Here is a sample calorie counter plan to include a cabbage loaf w/ ground meat, an artichoke with dressing and something for breakfast:

1.

So I have to juggle these numbers around. A small glass of wine is 120 calories. Let’s see the revised calculations with two glasses of wine:

2.

Not quite there yet. More adjustments needed here:

3.

There, this is ideal.

4.

Six glasses of wine and an artichoke on Sunday.  Perfect.

Stöckchen: Das braucht kein Mensch!

Trans:  Baton: The man does not need!

In picking a stick and carrying it, I picked up a stick from this blog:

Skriptum

I like this blog.  Very thought provoking and on some days interactive.  The stick (Stöckchen) in this one is sort of like a Meme.  The idea is instead of sending a Meme and putting every good friend on the spot to complete the Meme, we’ve all been there, thereby possibly messing up a perfectly good friendship, the stick is thrown out for anyone to pick up and run with.  It’s actually much more civilized.  We can pick up if we choose to pick up the theme (stick) and write our own version carrying forward the elements of the assignment or the project as sometimes it is called.  Or not, it’s our choice.

IF!  I understand correctly, which is not always the case, in this theme I declare the following items in my life to be what “The Man Does Not Need” but keeps anyway b/c Sister Mary Christmas, who can get rid of these things – and be done with them – once and for all?

Since Skriptum chose 5 items, I chose 5 items, but rest assured, hoarders like me have plenty of options from which to choose.  These are the most obvious.

Item Number 1, We Examine Duck Pictures.

I have more duck pictures than I know what to do with.  I get them as gifts.  I have never bought a duck picture.  I know some of them are bought at thrift stores, some are second hand, they are someone’s junk, but bless those who bless me with them, I get them as gifts.  Why, b/c I have real ducks.  The simple truth is, I look out of my window and see – real ducks.  Why do I need a picture?  But, some of these pictures are gifts from dear friends and family and how can I hurt their feelings and return them to the thrift store from whence they came and where they belong?  I can’t.  I’m sensitive that way.

Item Number 2, or items I should say.  Wine Corks.

I hoard save wine corks.  I must have three or four large trash bags of wine corks (thousands to be precise).  Some corks must be 20 years old.  One never knows when one will need a wine cork, which is usually never.  There is a very good reason I have so many wine corks.  I drink a lot of wine.  I’m a wino.  Wino’s have corks.  If the wine industry runs out of corks, I stand ready as a supplier like a wine cork drug dealer.  Thus far, wine corks are not a scarce resource.  I may have wine corks but not much in the way of a liver.  I’m just say’in.

Item Number 3, Fishing Rods.

I have many fishing rods. Thing is, I never fish.  But I am a guy and what red blooded fully outdoors kind of guy can pass up a good deal on a fishing rod?  I once was an avid fisherman and once fished everyday. But, I now fish once, maybe twice a year.  The rods you see in this picture a very special rods.  Each one cost me $200 when I bought them years ago.  They are now worth about $400 each.  But, they are carefully placed in the corner of my bedroom to remind me that I don’t have to look far to find them – should I go fishing – which is never.

Item Number 4:  Accounting Books.

I have a degree in Accounting.  I graduated university many, many, many, many years ago.  But I still keep the books.  If anyone knows anything about accounting, the rules are always changing.  These book were obsolete the year after I took the class.  And, they are BIG books – Heavy books.  I paid good money for these books.  My wife keeps nagging me, “When are you going to throw away those books, Ron?”  I keep them for reasons I don’t know.  Guess what, I am not an accountant either.  I never became an accountant.  I learned enough about accounting to know I never want to be an accountant.  Being an accountant would make me insane.  I’m guessing about as insane as these books make my wife.

Item 5, but certainly not least, My 1995 Ford Ranger Pickup Truck.

I never drive this truck. I wash it, I change the oil, I put gas in it, I park it next to the house, I pay car insurance but I never drive it anywhere.  BTW, I took this picture this morning.  The truck is in good shape isn’t it?  I have another car, an SUV.  I should sell this truck.  But, it is MY truck.  It’s a guy thing.  What red blooded fully truck loving kind of guy can sell his truck?

My wife keeps nagging me to sell the truck and the fishing rods so she can purchase a face lift.  I’m all, NO WAY!  Why would I do that? I’m looking at the truck and the fishing rods.  That’s just silly.  Is that a bug on the windshield?  Dang, I’ve got to wash the truck this weekend.

There you have it, these things a man has but does not need.

I hope I’ve been helpful.

Ron